Something here is not right!
by Shinigami's Soul
Summary: The pilots are right. Something really strange is going on, and causes everything to go wrong. Everything, as in...NO TV!!! Will the pilots ever survive? R&R!


Author's Note: Alas, another pointless fic from me. Sorry about not continuing the 'Trowa Talks' thing, but this should make up for it! ...hey wait a second! AT LEAST THERE'S NO JUSTICE RANGER! ...so be proud and happy. Enjoy it!

Something here is not right!

A usually pleasant day at the colony started with one thing, and ONLY one thing...

****

TV!

...except the pilots' TV was busted so they sat around the breakfast table playing tic tac toe with toothpicks.

Wufei sighed, moving his toothpick over, "Checkmate."

"Wrong game, fool." Duo grumbled. "...who forgot to call the repair guy to fix the TV?" He scanned all of them. "Well?"

"...Good morning, guys," Quatre yawned, walking into the kitchen from his room. "Oh yeah, I forgot to call the TV repairman."

"...Is it just me, or is the TV not working today?" Trowa asked.

Everyone stared at him, blankly and bored, then silently got up and walked into the living room.

Trowa shrugged, "Okay, don't tell me then."

************

"It'll cost ya." The repairman grunted.

"...no duh." Duo said. "How much?"

"Uh..." The repairman shrugged, "Maybe 99 dollars or somethin'. But in this case," He became more serious, "It'll be 120!"

Heero brought out his pistol and shot the repairman in the head. The pilots looked at him, weirdly. Heero shrugged, almost muttering, "...h-he raised the price..." He then began whistling innocently.

Duo grumbled and slapped him in the head, "You fool! He was the only repairman left in the city!"

"Yeah." Quatre agreed. "After you shot them all."

Heero shrugged, "W-Well...it was an accident!"

"Oh yeah, like me saying JUSTICE 24\7 is an accident." Wufei sighed.

"Wufei," Trowa began. "You ARE an accident."

"...Is it just me, or is something here not right?" Quatre sighed,

Everyone looked at him, and walked out of the room.

"...Okay, okay. I'll ask later."

**********

"Lend me your money!" Wufei hollered.

"Last time we did that, Vanilla Ice had a platinum record, his hair was in style, and MC Hammer had _cool_ pants. And you didn't pay us back until 4 years after Milli Vanilli was busted and they found out they lip-sank their way to fame." Trowa stated. "In other words, no."

"But!" Wufei beamed. "This time it's for a good cause. I'm buying a new TV."

"Uh huh," Trowa nodded. "Last time we let you buy something for us all, New Kids on the Block were singing bad songs and thought they were _cool_ and all The Beatles were still alive, and they were called _The Old Washed Up Dead Beats_, plus, Madonna was still YOUNG! We gave you about $130 and you bought some crappy marble at the drug store! In other words, NO!"

"...Is it just me, or are you upset?" Wufei asked.

Trowa grumbled and stalked out of the room.

Wufei then sighed and muttered, "That marble had potential, AND IT WASN'T CRAPPY!!!"

Duo burst out laughing from his room, and he began rolling down the stairs, still laughing hard. Quatre walked out just in time to see Duo crash into Wufei's Justice Exhibit. Quatre sipped his tea, and shook his head, shamefully. "...Is it just me, or is something here not right?"

"Is it just me, or is everyone saying that?!" Wufei snapped.

"Hmm, Is it just me, or does this tea taste bitter?" Quatre asked himself, walking into the kitchen.

Duo got up from laughing and sighed, patting Wufei on the shoulder, "Is it just me, or do you suck?"

"GET OUT!" Wufei snapped.

***********

"Here it is!" Wufei beamed, hauling in a large box. 

"Is it something worthwhile?" Duo asked. "Because if not, I'm-"

"Is a TV worthwhile?" Wufei asked.

Duo gawked. "Oh."

"So how much did you have to pay?" Quatre asked.

"Oh, only $1000!" Wufei smirked. "And I bought it at Riley's Rip-Offs, with a million dollar discount!"

They all gawked, twitched and sighed. Needless to say, Wufei had lost it. They walked back into their separate rooms and shut the doors.

"...Riley's Rip-Offs. What's so bad about that name?" Wufei asked himself. He began to pry open the box...revealing what Wufei called 'The Best TV Ever'. He hollered, lying, "This TV is awesome! Too bad the other pilots aren't here! It's already hooked up and they're showing 'Insane Elaine' which is everyone's favourite show, on TV!" ...crickets chirped and no one came down. "...oh...maybe that's _my_ favourite show, then."

"Uh...I mean--WHAT'S THIS?! Mad TV Special--10 hours long?!" Wufei lied, making it utterly hard to not believe him. The pilots came rushing down just in time to see the TV.

"...that's what you call a TV?" Trowa asked.

"It looks like a sheep." Duo commented.

"...a fat one." 

"A fat pig."

"Fat? BLOATED, is the word."

"Fine. How about a bloated, fat, sheep-pig?"

"Fine with me."

"Fine with me, too."

"STOP!" Wufei broke up Duo and Trowa's argument. "Look at it!" He pointed towards the 3 foot TV, with a tuning button to adjust volume and contrast. Besides that. The TV was fine!...aside from it's scratches and rust bubbling in the corner, it's broken antennae and shabby appearance.

Heero gawked, "...a-and you bought this for _how_ much?"

"100 dollars only. No GST-"

"The GST's been added a long time from now, if it's that high-a-price, and looks _this_ crappy." Quatre sighed.

Everyone looked at him.

"...Is it just me, or are you guys staring at me?" Quatre asked.

"Is it just me, or are we staring at him?" Trowa mumbled.

Duo, Heero and Wufei nodded.

"...fine." Quatre muttered, edging closer to the door. "...I'll...go..."

***********

"_Oh Elaine! It hurts to cry! Oh Elaine! You're so insane...INSANE ELAINE!_"

Heero shot the TV. "This day is not going right-"

"Yeah, and that show sucks." Duo complained. "What're we gonna do?!"

"I can name all the events gone wrong..." Trowa cleared his throat. "...The TV, The TV, The TV, Vanilla Ice, The TV, The TV...Wufei-"

"Shut up, TURKEY!" Wufei snapped.

"Why the hell are you calling me poultry?" Trowa asked, blankly.

"Because I can." Wufei replied simply.

...silence filled the room...no one dare say a word, until-

*long, annoying...sips*

"RABERBA!!!" Duo grumbled.

Quatre stopped in mid-sip. "Hmmm?"

"SHUT UP!" He snapped.

Trowa sighed, "...Is it just me, or is-"

"YES, TROWA! SOMETHING HERE IS NOT RIGHT!! WE KNOW! NOW SHUT UP!" Heero raged. "I'll shoot you."

"Ooooh..." They chorused.

Heero sighed and collapsed on the chair. "I give up."

Wufei muttered, "Desperate times, call for desperate measures." He stood up and hollered, "PILOTS! ...lend me your money! I'm gonna buy a new TV!-"

"NO!"

**************

"I've decided to get a job."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Support me here."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...fine, don't." Trowa grabbed a newspaper off the table. "But even if, this is the job I'm applying for." He showed them the article. "I'm going to be a TV repairman."

"That's very nice." Wufei muttered, angrily. "ESPECIALLY SEEING THERE IS NO TV TO REPAIR!!!"

"...Wufei, I'm very glad to see you're supportive of my decision." Trowa sighed.

"If he's gonna be a repairman, I'll be a TV dealer." Duo nodded.

"Why?"

"So I can come here and sell you guys a TV." Duo smirked.

"We don't have very much money." Heero sighed.

"That's okay." Duo said. "It'll be an affordable price."

"How much?" Quatre asked.

"Oh," Duo began. "Only Wufei, plus tax, Shenlong."

"It's a deal!" Everyone but Wufei, Duo and Trowa agreed.

"Hey!" Wufei snapped. "I object! Die Maxwell!"

"...no."

"AAARRRGGGHH!!!"

"So what are the rest of us gonna do?" Heero asked.

Quatre sipped his tea and asked, "Drink tea?"

"NO!"

"Okay." 

"We'll...ride in our Gundams." Heero decided.

"Why?" Wufei asked.

"So we can show the world what big, yet shrimpy men we are." Heero nodded, knowingly.

"...no."

"Okay."

"...Is it just me, or are we completely bored with no clue what to do?" Quatre asked.

Wufei sighed, sarcastically, "...no...it's just you."

"Okay."

*********

"I can't take this anymore." Heero sighed. "Our TVs busted and we're completely bored-"

"And Quatre's had a quadruple dose of caffeine." Wufei grumbled.

Quatre nodded, sipping his tea. "Hey, you guys. Besides the TV, what else do we do on weekends?"

Heero muttered, "...watch TV."

"Okay."

"I think we're turning into nerds." Wufei said, "Where's Maxwell and Barton with the loot?!"

"...Wufei, let's not forget." Heero began. "That as soon as that TV comes...you're gonna BOOT."

Wufei nodded, regrettably. "So what're you guys gonna do? Put me up for adoption?"

"No, we're gonna watch the TV." Quatre stated.

"...no, I meant, what're you gonna do to _me_." Wufei corrected.

"...sell you to Duo who will overpower you and make you his slave." Heero said.

"Boy, that brings a brand new meaning to Shinigami." Quatre chuckled.

"Not funny! I will work for no one!" Wufei shot back. Just then the bell rang. "ENTER!"

Trowa and Duo both came in and shut the door behind them.

Wufei hollered, "Did you get the jobs?!"

"No."

"Yes." Duo beamed.

"JOY!" Heero grinned. "A TV AT LAST!"

"It'll cost ya, remember?" Duo asked. 

"...oh yeah." Quatre said.

"...bye, Wufei." Heero waved suddenly.

"...say 'ta ta' to Shenlong for me..." Quatre added.

"What?! But-" Wufei looked at the clock on the wall. "They're showing Insane Elaine again! Please, just let me watch it one last time before I...BOOT."

"...fine." Trowa sighed. "But you're leaving afterwards."

Duo chuckled, nervously. "...o-okay, everyone in the living room while I ship the T-TV in." He ran outside.

"...he's acting weirdly." Trowa muttered. "I _wonder_ why."

"Okay, okay!" Duo rushed back in. "The...men are bringing the TV in because-"

"Because you're an onna and a weakling?" Wufei asked.

"...no..." Duo replied. "Any second now..."

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"...any second now." Duo nodded. 

"..."

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"...one more..."

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"Second...I'm positive! Just one more."

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"One-"

"Maxwell, there is no TV, is there?" Heero asked.

"Will you kill me if I say no?" Duo asked.

"No."

"Okay, then...NO! THERE IS NO TV!" Duo hollered. "I JUST WANTED TO SELL WUFEI!" He sulked. "Is that so much to ask for?"

Heero grumbled, "YOU WILL DIE FOR THIS, MAXWELL!"

"Yeah, and...and..." Wufei muttered. "And-TURKEY."

Everyone looked at him.

Duo sighed, "Wufei, why are you calling me poultry?"

"Because I can." Wufei said simply.

...silence...no one dare say a word until-

*long annoying sips*

"RABERBA!!!" Heero grumbled.

"...Hmm?" Quatre asked.

"...shut up." Trowa sighed.

Quatre nodded, "...Is it just me, or is-"

"Quatre," Trowa began. "Let's not go through with this again."

"Okay."

*********

How'd ya like it?! Cool, eh? Please review!!


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